07 November 2005

Leslie's Rule #812

Leslie's Rule #812: When you are fantabulously craptastically dressed, you will run into someone you'd rather not see, even when you are looking your finest.

Today, after my rendezvous with the treadmill, I get the brilliant idea to bust it to Wegmans to pick up some dinner fixin's. I even delude myself into believing that I can beat the 5.00 rush. So I'm just tooling along after I pick up my deli meat and BAM, I nearly run the cart right into my last actual date. Granted, this little coffee affair was a few weeks ago, but he has the dubious status as being my last late.

For those of you keeping score (hi, mom), there were no sparks on either side. He said he'd call. He didn't call. I didn't mind.

But there he was, looking pretty darn cute in his wool peacoat.

And there I was, looking (and smelling) pretty darn nasty in my gym clothes.

We chit chatted and I bolted as soon as possible. To avoid any further encounters of the uncomfortable kind, I then spent an inordinate amount of time analyzing whole milk vs. part skim ricotta cheese. I can probably give you a rundown on the nutrition label if you're interested. Yes, it does actually matter. Might even make up for the frivolous calories in the Weight Watchers chocolate cake in your cart.

Yes, I ran into a former date with Weight Watchers pseudo-twinkies in my cart while I was stinky from the gym. Poor guy is probably really, really relieved our coffee date was a one time only event.

And then just to prove my point about the inevitability of the bad dress = former date rule, last weekend while I was in full-on Martha Mode, painting my schnaaaazzy new dining room set, I had to make an emergency hardware store run. Who knew you couldn't paint six chairs and a table base with only one can of black spray paint?

Well, knowing that I have on a 3xl sweatshirt, tapered leg blue jeans and a stupid clip in my hair, I wisely chose to avoid Home Depot on a Saturday afternoon and head to the ghetto Valu Hardware. C'mon, there won't be a soul I know in Valu Hardware. Most likely the customers at Valu Hardware will look worse than I do.

Yeah, so much for that theory. I walk in like a woman on a mission and nearly clobbered one of last summer's one date wonders. Again, not someone I felt any sparks with or anything, but still, another guy who says he'll call and doesn't. Luckily, there was no acknowledgement of my presence but I'm pretty sure he was thinking, "How do I know the girl with the streak of black spray paint across her forehead, the crazy one trying to hide in the aisle of bolts so I don't see her? Hmmm, oh yeah, whew, glad I didn't call her for another miserable coffee date."

I expect this sort of thing in Hometown, Missouri. You will run into four classmates every time you enter the Pizza Hut. This is why I prepare my speech ahead of time. "No, not married. No kids. Still in school. Have no desire to be a member of the Pinto Alumni Pep Club. Just here to see my family. Please ignore me so I can go back to the horses and sewing machines."

Either Buffalo is now officially too small or I've gone on too many bad coffee dates.


Now, for something truly shocking, it's November 7. My grandmother's birthday is December 1. I just bound off on her birthday scarf.

The blocking will commence once I get blocking wires. Woo hoo, an excuse for more knitting tools! I'm just planning to sort of leave this one until at least the night before I'm flying to Missouri, so there's a thrill in wondering if I'll get it finished or not.

(For my knitting readers, project specs once I get it blocked with a decent picture.)

Now see, if I was wearing something schnaaaaaazy like a lace scarf, wouldn't see a soul. Guess this means I'm going to have to start busting out the cute outfits to keep all the bad dates at bay, sorta like garlic to ward off vampires. That or just go out for coffee with the girls so we can knit and be thankful we aren't one of the bored girls that you always see at the coffee shops, stuck on one of those dates themselves.

1. Diss: Today was a reading day, which was actually helpful. Now if I can just find the book that says that Victorians thought that the exotic is grotesque in its excessive nature. Well, guess that's what my book is going to say, but damn, that one's not written yet.
2. Diet: Weight Watchers pseudo-twinkies, do you need to know any more? Actually, I ran 5k today. Well, ran/walked is more like it, but still, me, on the treadmill, 5k. Debating whether or not I'll try for the Turkey Trot Quincy style, or as Adam says, the Chicken Chase. I won't go into explaining that one now. Hmm, we'll see if I can do this same run a few more times this week. How embarrassed would I be if all the little old lady mall walkers are faster than I am?
3. Organization: I think knitting counts here when it means checking off a December present. And no, shopping for knitting tools doesn't count in the opposite direction. I can add to the stash when it's necessary for completing a project, right? That'll be rule #813.

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